I don't know how to feel right now.

I really do not know how to feel right now, my heart is in the right place and i know i want to be there for this person who has..i dunno how to put it not upset me but..in a way gave me freedom..i do not like it being on my own and i feel terrible..after all i made someone sick although i did not know how i did it...but right now were okay i think we are sorting things out and i'm standing strong for myself and for him to although i know he does not need my help as he has everyone around him who loves him. i'm learning to be more independent because i know me being dependent on this someone i think has made this person ill. i do blame myself for what I've done and that is why my heart feels like its been ripped outta my chest and thrown in the trash like nothing. but i'm not going to give up on this person and he knows who it is, because i love him and even if he try to push me away so he does not hurt me it will not ever work. because he is the one for me and i still believe it and will never stop believing it.

i know this does not make sense to the people who view it but the one person who means everything to me if he looks at my blog will maybe read this and understand what has been going through my mind right now.

Now i'm off to do some work and it will take my mind of him for a little while  because i am worried ti death about him..as he is ill.